few thoughts 122108

1. 2 more days until I leave this city, 3 more days until I get home sweet home
2. I guess today will be last Sunday that I won't have to work. Next Sunday, I will probably have to work. It feels like coming down all too fast but then it's been pretty long since I came here, I think. 
3. I remember when I first came here, I was lost and I was crazy desperate. Nothing seemed to connect and everything felt like it was falling apart. I remember how I just wanted to disappear and go somewhere, anywhere. That was roughly 3 months ago. I think it was my third night or fourth night...I don't remember but somewhere around my first week in this city, I stood front of my hostel and broke down without any reason. I wasn't really missing home nor missing anyone at the time. Anyway, I am 2 days away from leaving this city. Everything seems so familiar now, the cafe that I go to, the bus I ride on, numerous walks passing pantheon or Galleria Alberto Sordi to get to Piazza del Popolo or Spanish Steps. I've been watching more Totti and Zlatan than Allen Iverson or Peyton Manning. I paid 1 euro for a cup of capuccino. It was 'ciao' or 'salve' rather than 'hello' or 'what's up'. Kiss on both cheeks rather than a hand slap. It was number 8 tram bus, not my silver Lexus. I am going back and that's undeniable. I wanted to learn how to love when I came here. Not just to get a girl or whatnot but to love myself. That was the main objective when I came here. I never loved myself. I never did. There's difference between 'showing off' and 'loving yourself'. I loved my ego, not myself. I am still working on loving myself but it's safe to say, now I know just a little bit about loving myself and love. It all starts from me. I believe that now. Everything starts from me. All the things that happened, I think I can let it go now. I can't have it linger on me. I just can't.  
4. Today was so simple, I don't know if I can ever have a day like today back when I go back home. I think that's my biggest fear right now; having my simplicity. I loved my last 3 months because I can only worry about myself while I was here. That's probably going to change. Although that's my biggest fear, I don't fear much, I don't think. I know things are going to change when I get there. It's little sad that everything comes down to an end but again, everything has its finish and every other finishes, there's a new beginning waiting for me. I don't know what the next chapter going to look like. I really don't know. 
5. Last minute shopping tomorrow and a haircut, finally. It's all going to come off. I am not going to grow my hair for awhile, it's too much to just keep it up. 
6. and a final thought...coming up tomorrow...