few thoughts 112208

1. why do I always fall into a dumb trap?
2. Crazy friday, crazy friday, crrrrrrrraaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzy friday. I don't even know where to begin but inside and out it was just insane. My heart was rocking in weird directions, someone missing bus when we all have to move as group, somebody hearing bad news, me not having roomates in my room, going out to feel better...
3. Our class was with this lady from Temple University for a gallery tour. It was crazy awesome, only the art part that was. I got to see Beecroft and Opie then got some cool looking tote bag and catalogue courtesy of the gallery. It was nice. Second 'gallery' we went to felt like some gaudy coffee shop. High ceileings, all white walls and everything. People comes by with their fancy-shumancy outfits and all. It was kinda alright then again I wonder, 'why is this so hot?'. And a lady from Temple, what is your problem?! You are so bitter, seriously. Life is short, honey, live it up.
4. I talked to Ellen yesterday because I've been stressing out so much about myself in terms of making art and all that. I was surprised to hear what she had to say for me. She told me she also does feel like nothing is working for her and be in the doghouse, literally. Getting rejections aren't too bad because the rejection itself is just a letter and it's just an opinion of one person but what it does to me is it gives me all the insecurities you can possibly imagine. It also does fuel me to become better but it's hard to balance them all. Anyway, Ellen gave me some really good advices on what to do with myself when making art; JUST BE YOURSELF and 'TRY' TO FAIL (the key word here is 'try' not 'fail', if you know what I mean). I hope things become better because I do try.
5. Thank you Serrah, Alyssa and Chris. It was probably the best 40-60 minutes of the day.
6. It's so confusing, I don't know what should I do and what can I do. I don't want to feel so down but sometimes, you just can't help it. I want to be happy and I'm trying so hard but sometimes, I dont' know...I feel like all the windows are closing on me. I hate having doubts. I know sun will shine. It's always shining, anyway. There's always a rainbow waiting after the storm, it's okay. I'm okay.